Immediately after I have received my diagnosis, I had this urge to share it with so many people close to me. I wanted confidants while I figure out how to break the news to my mom. I wanted encouragement and support to help me process this puzzling news. At the same time, I didn’t want to worry too many people as well because I know it won’t be an easy news to take.
I remember texting my insurance agent first to break the news (because I was realistic like that). Also because she was one of the few who knew about my colonoscopy procedure in the hospital. In fact, she was tailing me for the report of my procedure. My insurance agent is a family friend, someone that my mom entrusts so I also sought her help on breaking the news to my mom. She was the one who made appointment with my mom that night, without causing early suspicion.
The next person that I contacted was my boyfriend, RK. I remember asking him if it’s convenient for him to speak at work. Being the sweetest boyfriend ever, he immediately returned my call and I broke the news to him in tears. Can’t be thankful enough that he’s a tough boy who gave me strength when I was alone at the hospital thinking about 1001 things.
I knew I needed to meet someone to pour out so I texted my ex boss who is a freelancer, and who is now looking for the next best online job and part time commitment. I knew she’s a safer bet for an on-call confidant. Thanks, boss for being right there for me! My mind was all over the place and it was her that did all the rationale thinking for me as I balled my eyes out for hours at Starbucks in Empire Subang that hot afternoon. I have to credit her for being the most important confidant that injected sense back into me, on advising me how to face the reality and how to be the strong daughter my mom needed the most when I eventually broke the news to my mom that night.
I also told my love-hate-relationship best friend. It’s actually quite weird to say she is in the best friend category because I haven’t seen her for 2 years without me knowing. And we haven’t been in touch for the same duration too. But she’s the type of true friend that does not appear when she’s wanted and only appears when she’s needed. Without fail. Annoying and precious in that way. She was important at that stage to make sure I still had my sarcasm and sense of humor because we talk by quarreling. Can’t believe she called her mom to ask if I was pranking her. What?!
After an afternoon of despair and comfort with my ex-boss, I returned home trying to orchestra the best way to break the news to my mom. This was the hardest. Hardest because it broke my heart knowing that the news would break her heart. I’m the one she’s most worried about at all times because I’m the one with medical issue the most at home. Since young, I was the only skinny one in the family and I was the one who fell ill the most in the family. I am her “princess”, her youngest daughter. But I was very proud that night. I broke the news to her without dropping tears. I told her the story of my diagnosis and revealed the info progressively. Then I shared with her the plan that I and others have put in place without her assistance. As my ex-boss told me, I had to prove to her that I’m strong enough to face this because that’s the only way to help her face it bravely as well. I was very proud of myself that night =)
The next day, the intense heartbeat repeated again for I had to break the news to my boss and colleagues. They have been suspicious and concerned because I took half day emergency leaves on Monday and Wednesday that both turned into medical leaves as they happened. Doctor told me that I needed to be away from work for a month so there’s no way I can escape telling them the truth. And my team consisted of many young beautiful girls who should be aware of the risk they or their peers may face as well! I wanted them to take care of themselves despite the work stress and hecticness. I broke the news to my boss first privately and later gathered the entire team of 15 to break the news in tears but with positivity. Can’t be more thankful to have such awesome colleagues who gave me much emotional strength and work support during this ordeal.
Breaking the news to a few other close friends was as stressful either. I knew the people that I chose to tell would get stressed up and worried about it but I knew I have to tell them or they’d find out however they find out during my operation period because they’d text me to meet up and stuff. Most of the time, my script went like this: “I have something important to tell you. I’m sick. I’d be in hospital for a week and will be off work for a month” followed by their Q&As that I addressed individually. This was one experience that inspired me to blog too because I can’t repeat the details so many times! My mom has repeatedly reminded me that I have a lot of friends who are so concerned about me. No doubt about that #blessed.
I would like to end this post with how I announced this to my lecturer who has been a father figure to me since college years.
Honestly, that’s how I felt. Life has chosen me to embrace this challenge because life knows I’m ready for this. Life has chosen me to face this because life knows I’d be able to be a testimony to inspire others and to raise awareness for the better. Life has chosen me to help myself and to help others. #macamyes
Let’s end this here before it gets funny #sharestrength
