Thoughts on The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman

I finished reading The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman! I have to say that when I finished the free sample on Google Play Books, I was a little indifferent about reading the entire book. When I reached the midway, I felt quite convinced that while I believed in his theory, I thought it’s quite self explanatory.

So the five love languages identified are:

  1. Words of affirmation
  2. Quality Time
  3. Gifts
  4. Acts of Service
  5. Physical Touch

Seems quite self explanatory what each of them mean right?

But as I went through the second half of the book, I realized the author was using the 100+ pages to reinforce a few things and these are what I picked out from memory.

Firstly, love has 2 stages. “In love” stage when everything is pretty and perfect. Then in the second stage, it’s when romance hits reality. “Magic” is gone and love relationship needs work.

Secondly, everyone has a love tank. To survive love after the “in love” stage, we need to make conscious effort to ensure each other’s love tanks are filled.

Thirdly, the way everyone’s love tank is filled is different. That’s when the 5 love languages come in.

The author used extensive examples to showcase how love tanks can be emptied when love meets reality. He also detailed guidance on how to identify and practise expressing the right love language to your partner.

Here are 3 quotes from the book that I particularly like.

We cannot reply on our native tongue if our spouse does not understand it. If we want them to feel the love we’re trying to communicate, we must express it in their primary love language.

Each of us must decide daily to love or not to love our spouses. If we choose to love, then expressing it in the way in which our spouse requests will make our love most effective emotionally.

You see, when an action doesn’t come naturally to you, it is a greater expression of love.

Ultimately, the key takeaway is love is a choice. This conscious choice needs work in the form of learning and expressing love in the way our partner appreciates.

I really liked the book that I jumped straight to a marriage preparation book the author also wrote: Things I Wish I’d Known Before We Got Married.

When I saw the chapter outline, I knew I’d love the book. Covered a quarter of the book in a night. Definitely a fast read coz I was very intrigued. Stay tuned.

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